


"All You Need Is a Cape Ellison.", Chapter 16

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related: Survival, M/M, Other: See Story Notes, S/M, b/d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:09:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Father Patrick guides Jim as he examines some new ideas about his relationship with Blair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"All You Need Is a Cape Ellison.", Chapter 16

## "All You Need Is a Cape Ellison.", Chapter 16

By Alexis Rogers

Author's homepage: <http://www.calweb.com/users/a/arogers/>

Series/Sequel: Series. This chapter will make no sense without the previous ones, which are available at the author's website or directly from the author. If you email me for chapters, please let me know what format you can handle and the size of the files. I can go as large or small as necessary. 

Do not repost or forward this story without the author's knowledge and consent. 

Disclaimers: I don't own the _Sentinel_ guys; if I did, I'd let them hug each other on camera. And I'd go for RB's liplock idea as well. I have no wish to infringe of the copyright of Pet Fly Productions, UPN, Paramount, Viacom or anydamnbody else. 

Notes: Fictional characters in this chapter are Jim, Blair, Father Patrick Fitzgerald, Daniel Cook Fitzgerald, Jeremiah and Nehemiah Lexon, Charlie Bamia, Lloyd Lawson, Michael and Jason Anderson, Lee Crane and Harriman Nelson. 

Summary: Father Patrick guides Jim as he examines some new ideas about his relationship with Blair. 

Special thanks to the beta readers Dennis and Phoenix, and to Keeker for helping me work out some logistics. All remaining mistakes are mine. 

My fiction contains consensual sex between two or more men and is not meant to be read by those who object to explicit homoerotic sexual material. Or minors. The law says anyone under the age of _consent_ can't read this. If you don't like the law, change it. Remember: one person can make a difference. 

WARNING: This story contains many elements of *bdsm*, including but not limited to incest, spanking, whipping, nudity, enemas, butt plugs, general discussion of *bdsm*, including fisting. If you are uncomfortable with the subject, don't read the story. 

EXTRA WARNING: Jeremiah and Nehemian are brothers, twins actually, who are also lovers and only sixteen. If the concept of incest and/or sexual situations with persons under the age of eighteen offends you, don't read the story. 

{text} = Jim's thoughts. 

* * *

All You Need Is a Cape, Ellison.", Chapter 16  
By Alexis Rogers  
19 June 1998 

"And did you find Blair?" Father Patrick said as Jim sat down on the grass. 

"He's with Jason, at the hospice." Jim paused, missing his lover. "I didn't want him to go alone." 

"First of all, Blair's not alone..." Patrick rested his hand on Jim's knee, "...and second, he's stronger than you want to admit. He'll be a great asset to the patients." 

"I know," Jim agreed, "but my need to protect him is very strong." His eyes drifted to the pool and the two black teenagers splashing water at each other. "Since this is a counseling session, are we here for a reason?" 

"I want you to spend some time with Nehemiah and Jeremiah. I want you to see that lives can be changed, that what you see as a cop is the _hurt_ ; what we see here is the _healing_ \-- and I may want you to add activities with Father Mykkhal so that you can see more of the healing process." 

Jim shook his head, wondering where he was to find the time. 

"I promise you it'll be worth the time you invest." 

"So are you going to tell me their story?" Jim stared at the two young men as sunlight glistened their wet black skin. 

"No, they're going to do that, but before they start, I'll tell you the background." 

Jim stretched his bare legs out on the soft grass. It had been his choice to attend this meeting without his clothes. Blair had encouraged him to explore this element of freedom, but no one had applied pressure this day. There was a sense of peace as he sat here, nude, next to the fully-clothed priest and counselor enjoying the heat of the California sun. "So tell." 

"We've had these boys for eight years -- where does the time go?" Patrick smiled. "Lloyd works with one of our attorneys, Mitchell Kendrickson, watching the courts, CPS, and police reports, searching for boys who need our help. We all tried to talk Lloyd out of tackling the case of the Lexon twins because we thought it was too much of a challenge for him. He's not getting any younger, and we thought this time it was more than he could handle." Patrick stopped and watched the boys play. 

"Obviously it wasn't." 

"Oh, but it was. I should be thankful because these boys brought Lloyd into the church; something I hadn't been able to do. Lloyd'll never be a true Catholic, but I think he now has a belief in God that he couldn't have had without these two." Patrick gestured towards the pool. "And I was reminded forcefully that God really does work in mysterious ways." 

Jim listened without comment knowing he would understand before the meeting was over. 

"It took two years to gain custody of the boys," Patrick continued. "Usually Charlie and Lloyd are granted any request for care without fanfare because they have a proven track record with problem boys, but this time the boys were children, six years old, and black. There was a woman at CPS who didn't want Jeremiah and Nehemiah in a gay environment. Her passion was as great as Lloyd's, and the conflict was difficult on both of them. We all learned a lot about the care of children in general, and I discovered support from a group of nuns; some very special woman who surprised me. We've all had our faith tested by these boys, but I think everyone gained from the experience. However, I was talking about Lloyd. 

"I'm not sure what motivated him to work so hard in this case -- I finally labeled it God's will and left it at that. One day I found him in the chapel, kneeling, his head in his hands, tears running down his face. He asked me to teach him how to pray." 

Jim watched as Patrick was silent for a moment, obviously still affected by the experience. 

"I was stunned, speechless. Lloyd's a tower of strength, as strong in his beliefs as I am in mine, and here he was, on his knees, asking for my help, my counsel. I knelt beside him and prayed for my own guidance. Then I told him what I now tell many of the men who come to me for counseling: God is what He needs to be; He hears those who speak to Him regardless of language or format. I'm a Catholic priest because it's what I believe myself to be. There are those who'd condemn my soul to Hell because of my lifestyle, but I believe that I'm doing God's work, and He continues to show me how He wants me to do that. With every success and failure I see here, I know it's the hand of God." 

Jim squirmed, uneasy with the narrative, but Blair had taught him to listen and observe in order to learn. Blair was rarely wrong. 

"Lloyd poured his heart out that day, confessing to an obsession with the boys he couldn't explain. He told me he knew those two belonged together, that healing wasn't possible unless they were, and if he didn't fight for them, no one would. When I asked him to explain his feelings, he said he couldn't; only that when he watched them, he saw a special bond between them that kept them alive. 

"It didn't make any sense at the time, but I watched, included Charlie, and we all agreed that what Lloyd had observed made sense. When foster care home after foster care home reported failure with the boys, Lloyd went back to court again and again until he finally succeeded in getting the judge to give us a chance. It was still an uphill battle, but the nuns testified in our behalf." Patrick smiled. "It was amazing and so unexpected. They'll be here for the wedding tomorrow. Do yourself a favor and get to know them." 

"A group of nuns is attending a gay wedding?" Jim was astounded. 

"Yeah. It's an acceptance that I didn't anticipate, but discovering these women can celebrate the joy we find here is one more example of God and His mysterious ways." 

The boys stepped out of the pool and took a moment to wash the lingering chlorine from their coal black skin. 

"God made those two for a purpose and it was Lloyd who helped me see that. Don't judge, just observe. I know Blair has tried to teach you how to do that." 

Jim laughed. "It hasn't been an easy lesson." 

"Most of the important ones aren't." 

Jeremiah looked at Patrick as the twins dropped onto the grass next to Jim. "Are you sure we can be ourselves with him?" 

"I want the good detective to see the part of life you represent," Patrick stated. 

"If you're sure." Jeremiah fondled his brother's cock. 

Jim watched the hand and the responding flesh as it affected his own body. 

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Patrick asked. 

"They're children," Jim sputtered, angry with himself, "and brothers! " 

"No judgments," Patrick reminded. "You must not apply your standards to others." 

Nehemiah sprawled on his back, his legs spread, as he enjoyed his brother's attention. "Without Lloyd and his belief in us, Miah and I'd probably be living on the streets, part of some gang, if we were even still alive. Anger and hatred would have destroyed any chance at life we had." 

"I want Jim to hear the story from you," Patrick said as he turned, sitting cross-legged so he could observe the other three. 

"Okay," Nehemiah responded, sitting up and pulling Jeremiah to sit between his legs. "This is the way we do counseling sessions, and this is one, for all of us." 

Jim sighed and also sat up to form a sort of circle that he was beginning to get used to. "I know." 

"Our birth mother," Jeremiah started, "was a troubled soul. She was a substance abuser and unable to break the cycle of welfare dependency that her mother was apart of. Our eldest sibling was born when our mother was only nine." 

Jim felt the impact like a kick in his stomach. 

"She was twenty one when she had us. The state could take her children but was powerless to stop her from having more. Like our siblings, we don't know who our father is because she had a succession of men in her life. The last accused of her murder when she died of an overdose when she was twenty-six." 

Jim noted the flatness in Jeremiah's voice, as if he were reciting facts that did not pertain to his life. 

"Our mother and her man of the hour decided that Miah and I were just too cute not to play with. They taught us to fondle ourselves and each other. They pampered and petted when we did as they wanted, and punished when we tried to refuse. By the time CPS removed us from her custody, we didn't know how to keep our clothes on in front of adults. We had no social skills and it terrified us when the new adults wouldn't let us touch each other, or sleep together. We were separated for months at a time." 

Nehemiah stroked Jeremiah's arms and kissed his neck. "It's okay, baby, no one can keep us apart now." 

Jeremiah looked at Jim. "It's difficult to describe abuse to someone who hasn't been there, so mostly we don't try. That's why we live with Michael and Jason. And we trust Lloyd and Charlie because they helped Michael and Jason deal with Michael's abuse. The others here have earned our trust. It's been a long battle." 

"It has," Patrick agreed, "but a worthwhile one." 

"Michael helped us deal with our mother's life and death," Jeremiah continued, "as Charlie had helped him to deal with his own mother's life and death. All of it has been part of our healing; something everyone here focuses on. What happened, happened, and no one can change that -- but we can control our own healing with the help of the people here." 

"Jim's thoughts took a nose dive; abuse had many sides, neglect being one of them. His mother's death had left an aching hole in his life; one that had never healed. Like other things in his life, Jim had learned early to repress emotional pain. He wondered what it would have been like to have loving, supportive people to help him when his mother had died. 

"It was hard, still is sometimes," Nehemiah admitted as he curled his large body into a ball between Jeremiah's legs and rested his head on Jeremiah's thigh. "We were the only African Americans in Charlie and Lloyd's house. We'd been taught to hate and distrust white people. We hadn't been in school because our behavior kept us out of a regular classroom. Our speech was barely English, and we were difficult to handle." 

"We were scared, " Jeremiah added, "and didn't know how to say so. Lloyd let us hang on to each other and let us sleep together. Lloyd moved a bed into their room so he could be close to us and when we'd wake up at night, he'd let us sleep between them. Lloyd insisted that we sleep in pajamas, and he and Charlie did the same for that period of time. We later learned that they always slept together nude, but for us they changed that. There was no sexual contact between us and any of the men here." 

Nehemiah stroked his brother's back. "Lloyd set up a routine for us. Our school was the dining room table. Everyone in the house took turns teaching us. We had to be completely dressed for school and we had to sit on opposite sides of the table so we couldn't touch each other. When the lesson was over, Lloyd would allow us time together to kiss and cuddle, but he controlled when we could take our clothes off. If we had a really good day, we could bathe together, alone, for as much as an hour." 

Jeremiah chuckled. "The first time Lloyd caught us sucking each other, he offered to help us learn to do it better. He taught us how to make love to each other one step at a time, when we were ready. When I look back, I see how gentle Lloyd was with us as he reshaped our lives: allowing us to love each other and grow within that love." 

"Did he," Jim sputtered, "I mean, how did he, ah, teach you...?" 

"Usually just by telling us what to do, sometimes touching us, and once in a while demonstrating." "When we were little, we had been taught to suck each other. As we got older, and grew," Nehemiah ran his finger over his erection, "we found it difficult to satisfy each other." 

Jim stared at the black cocks, which were bigger than Blair's. 

"We went to Lloyd," Nehemiah continued, "and asked him to help. In his typical fashion, he lectured us on proper techique." 

"But we still couldn't do it," Jeremiah added, "so Lloyd arranged for Cary to show us how to do it. " 

"Lloyd was very careful with us," Nehemiah clarified, "because he said he was our parent and didn't want to confuse sexual issues with other issues. It seemed strange because I know he had a sexual relationship with other boys here." 

"Which other boys?" Jim asked before he could stop himself. 

"That's not our place to say," Nehemiah said, "but I suggest you talk to Cary. He and Lloyd are very open about their relationship when Cary was a teenager. That was before Cary fell in love with Kenneth." 

"Have you ever had sex with anyone else?" Jim wanted to know. 

"No, at least not since we've been here." Jeremiah shrugged from his place between Nehemiah's legs. "Lloyd told us to tell him if we wanted to, but at this point, we only want each other." 

"Doesn't that create problems for you? At school?" Jim continued. "You do go to school?" 

"We do now. We go to the same school; a Catholic high school," Nehemiah grinned at Father Patrick, "but we don't have classes together. We play football together, and we're very good. We're also very careful. Lloyd taught us to keep our feeling for each other at home. When we lived with him, before we went to Michael and Jason's, he'd separate us as punishment. Even now, if we seriously break the rules, one of us goes to Patrick and Danny's. Michael explained that's how Lloyd punished him and Jason, and it works really well." 

Jeremiah smiled. "If we'd disobeyed Lloyd, like Blair did yesterday, we'd have been forced to sleep apart for a week in addition to the spanking." 

"It was Blair's first disobedience," Patrick pointed out. "Next time Lloyd'll probably punish them more forcefully." 

Jim shook his head. He and Blair did not seem to be able to sleep in twin beds when their doctor ordered them to; he did not want to think about being restricted in this house. 

"So you're prefect teenagers?" Jim asked with a smile. 

"No," Jeremiah responded, "but I think we're _normal_ teenagers. We're dealing with our childhood traumas and getting on with our lives. Can you say the same?" 

"Ouch," Jim responded. "You play hardball." 

"We've been taught well," Nehemiah replied. "We're surrounded by people who've dealt with the same issues as teens that we're facing. We go to school with the same no-nonsense administration that you did --" 

"How...?" 

"We've spent several days working with Blair," Nehemiah explained. "He talks about you all the time because he loves you very much." 

"I know," Jim stared at the boys. "At least I'm beginning to know." 

"When we finish high school and go to college, we'll be better prepared than most of the other students our age. We've had to work harder to get where we are, and we've had better family support than most. If we don't succeed, we have no one to blame but ourselves." 

"So where do you plan to go?" Jim asked. 

"We want to play football," Jeremiah replied, "and we want to play for the same college. We're awesome on the field. It's great fun to confuse the other team when they look up and see us comin' at them 'cause we look so much alike." 

Jim took a minute to let that image play across his mind, then grinned. 

The boys crawled to either side of Jim. "But you can tell us apart, you never get us confused, and we want to know how." 

"I'm a cop." 

"Not good enough," Jeremiah whispered in Jim's ear. "We've spent more time with Blair, and he can't tell us apart." 

"Are you sure? He's a teacher, and he's good with people." 

"Well, maybe, after yesterday," Nehemiah added as he ran his hand down Jim's leg. 

"Yesterday?" Jim gulped, "You were with Blair yesterday?" 

"We took him downstairs, remember?" Jeremiah ran his fingertip over Jim's ear. "He said you'd look great between us." 

"When?" 

"After we iced his butt and held him while he cried," Jeremiah whispered. 

Patrick stood. "I think I should step away from this conversation before I hear something I might have to tell Lloyd." 

Nehemiah grinned. "You think Lloyd doesn't know how we comfort each other after a meeting with his paddle? There isn't anything that happens here Lloyd doesn't know about. We were in the library with Blair for a long time. Lloyd would have come looking for us if he hadn't wanted us to stay." 

"Tell me," Jim managed. 

"Blair didn't tell you?" Jeremiah asked. 

"By the time we were alone last night, we had other things on our minds." 

"Yeah, I know." Jeremiah smiled at Nehemiah, then grew serious. "Lloyd never plays when he's disciplining one of us. Make no mistake; it hurts, and the marks were clear on Blair's tender butt. I could feel everyone of them." 

Nehemiah moved his hand to the inside of Jim's thigh. "He wouldn't have cried in front of you, but with us, who've been there, he was able to let go. He cried about a lot of things, mostly how he feels about you, about how crazy it makes him feel." 

"Did you kiss him?" Jim asked. 

"Yes," Jeremiah replied. "Caring kisses, not sexual; it wasn't that kind of an encounter. He said we could kiss you -- but he wants to watch." 

"Some times," Patrick offered, "it helps to relate to someone outside the relationship. Blair needed to let go of some things that he couldn't in front of you." 

"I want him to be able to talk to me about everything," Jim watched his cock fill as the boys ran their hands over his bare flesh. 

"Even as close as we are," Jeremiah said, "Lloyd taught us that we have to communicate with people other than each other. Blair loves you, never doubt that, but sometimes the feelings are too intense, and he needs to vent to someone else." 

"Excuse me," Danny said, startling Jim. "It's a good thing Blair isn't here." 

"He told us we could play with Jim," Jeremiah explained. 

"He even said we could tease him," Nehemiah added, "and we aren't letting him up until he tells us how he tells us apart." 

"Oh yeah." Jim stood as Danny put dishes on the poolside table. "I'm an observant cop, and there're some subtle differences between you." 

The boys stood beside Jim. "We'll find out," Nehemiah promised. 

"I brought lunch." Danny pointed to the table. "Lloyd sent extra so you could join us." 

Jeremiah pulled his brother into a tight embrace. "We don't have any chores until time to start dinner. Right now I have an appetite for things other than food." He captured Nehemiah's mouth and the boys flowed together like a living black marble statue. 

"Let's eat," Patrick said. 

"What about them?" Jim pointed at the boys, his own erection dangerously hard as he watched. 

"They're definitely not interested in lunch," Patrick laughed. 

"So we're going to eat while they, ah, I mean..." 

"No. We've encouraged them to keep most of their activities private," Patrick replied as he sat down. "It's better for them." 

Jim groaned as he sat down. 

"That's going to feel so much better when it's Blair's cock that has made you tender," Danny teased. 

Blushing, Jim closed his eyes and wished he had clothes on. 

"How was he this morning?" Danny continued. 

Jim opened his eyes and looked directly at Danny. "Almost more than I could handle." The memory was hot and added more blood to Jim's groin. Blair woke up horny, blaming the rubber in his ass and rubbing himself against Jim. There was nothing to do with his lover in this mood except indulge him. 

"He said you were better at hiding your feelings than he is," Danny chuckled, "but I guess he means when you're dressed. Did he order you to go without clothes today?" 

Jim shook his head. "I'm trying to achieve the freedom that everyone says I should, and I felt I could handle being naked today. It does make it more difficult to hide my feelings." 

"And we made it even more difficult," Jeremiah said, stroking a long black finger down Jim's left arm. 

"But Blair's right." Nehemiah trailed a finger down Jim's right arm. "Teasing you is fun -- and when Blair's around to watch, we'll finish the game." 

"I thought you said you didn't want to have sex with anyone but each other?" Jim tried. 

"There's always a first time. Think about the two of us doing a cop while his partner watches," Jeremiah taunted. 

Nehemiah tweaked Jim's right nipple. "I like the idea." 

"Lunch, children?" Danny reminded. 

Jeremiah shook his head. "Not now." 

"But we do want to dance with Jim tomorrow night, at the party after the wedding." Nehemiah stepped to his brother and wrapped him in an intimate embrace. 

"Maybe we'll even tell you about comforting Blair, something you might find useful," Jeremiah promised. 

"But now," Nehemiah kissed his brother's shoulder, "is my time with you." 

Jeremiah turned in Nehemiah's arms and found his mouth. "I love you." 

Patrick smiled, "When Lloyd's right, he's really right." 

Jim turned his attention to his lunch as the boys walked across the grounds holding hands. 

"They're a set of contradictions, aren't they?" Danny said, dipping a strawberry in yogurt. 

"Like everything else here," Jim agreed, picking up a slice of pineapple and nibbling at it. 

"You want to talk about Blair's discipline?" Patrick ate a strip of cheddar cheese. 

"If it'll help me to understand the purpose," Jim agreed, getting as comfortable as possible in the white plastic chair. 

"The purpose of most things here is learning." Danny adjusted the table's umbrella to provide maximum shade. "If you can view the situation objectively, I know you can understand that." 

"It was difficult enough before I knew the spanking made Blair cry." Jim remembered how stoic his lover had been. 

"Jim, crying can be an emotional cleansing," Patrick explained. "One that many men find impossible to achieve. Some of the men here include what we call punishment/atonement scenes in their lives which help push their emotional limits, allowing much needed release. I think that's part of what Blair needed." 

"So why couldn't he do it with me?" Jim selected a piece of watermelon. 

"He will, as you learn more about yourselves and each other. Be patient." 

"Will I need to punish him?" 

"Probably." Patrick sipped his iced tea. "And he you as you explore your own self-knowledge." 

Jim shook his head. "I don't think that'll work." 

"Maybe," Danny added, "it'll help Jim if he knows how this exercise works for us." 

Patrick blushed. "You want me to discuss _our_ private life?" 

Danny nodded. "I think you should tell Jim about the first time Lloyd spanked you and what we learned about each other." 

Reaching for Danny's hand, Patrick looked down. "I'm counseling Jim and Blair. I don't think I should get that personal." 

"Personal?" Jim snapped. "I'm sitting here without a stitch of clothes on. How much more personal can we get?" 

Danny reached out and patted Jim's hand. "His counseling techniques are different than mine because Patrick learned as a priest; while I learned as a gay man from a mentor who is hardly orthodox." 

"It was a turning point in our relationship," Patrick told Danny. 

"All the more reason to share the story with Jim." 

Patrick closed his eyes and was silent for a few minutes. When he opened them, he smiled at Danny. "Okay." 

"I love you." Danny kissed Patrick's hand. "You tell it your way." 

"It was a long time ago," Patrick explained. 

"And you remember it like it was yesterday," Danny stated, "and so do I." 

Patrick nodded to Danny then turned to face Jim. "It happened about six months into our courtship -- I use that word because unlike most of our gay couples, Daniel and I did _not_ live together before we were married. My vow of chastity was the foundation of the rules of our courtship, and it was my actions that violated those rules and led to the punishment. 

"The incident forced us to look at our feelings for each other and where we wanted our future to go. 

"I was living in one of the small cottages behind the main house where Charlie and Lloyd live. Daniel lived in the house next door, where we live now. He had six boys living in the house that he supervised. We were restricted in our time together to limit temptation, but we'd reached a point where we wanted to spend the night together. We had decided not to push the sex issue but to focus on kissing, cuddling, and intimacy." 

Jim poured more tea over the melting ice in his glass. "Something tells me it wasn't that simple." 

"With love, it never is," Danny confirmed. 

Patrick twisted a cracker in the fingers of his free hand. "I'd never faced the overwhelming power of sex. Quite simply, my body completely betrayed me." 

Jim laughed, understanding the feeling. 

"Daniel and I had decided on my room, which offered more privacy than his house full of teenaged boys. We met with Charlie and Lloyd for a drink and final instructions. Charlie was worried that we weren't ready." 

"Ready or not," Danny supplied, "we were in love and the sex was bound to happen." 

"I waited for Daniel in my room. I was dressed in pajamas and a robe. Charlie'd warned us that we'd agreed not to see each other's bodies since that'd already caused us some problems. Daniel arrived wearing his pajamas and robe. We turned down the bed, remembering the last time we'd been together. I'd been dressed but Daniel'd been naked. I'd worked him with my hand that night and hadn't seen his cock since. I wasn't supposed to see or touch it this night either." 

"But?" Jim smiled and snagged another strawberry. 

"My body knew I loved Daniel even if my mind had doubts. We took off our robes and curled up in the middle of my bed. From the first kiss, we were lost. I don't think even chastity belts would have made a difference. 

"The minute he touched my lips, my cock got hard and so did his. I was hot, dizzy, and thrusting against him. I don't know if we could've stopped, but I think it would've taken several men to pull us apart." 

"I do know how that feels," Jim acknowledged. 

Patrick grinned at Danny. "My body over-ruled my mind as my cock thrust against Daniel's. All I remember is being hot, burning hot, until my cock spurted inside my shorts soaking through to my pajamas." 

"Bringing a lover off like that is a major ego boost for me," Danny confessed. 

"But what happened next wasn't exactly what lovers usually do," Patrick added. "As my clothes stuck to my body, some of the blood returned to my brain. When my thoughts cleared a little, I jumped out of bed and paced the floor. Daniel was still hard as a rock, and I was going crazy. I looked at him and asked: 'What're we going to do now?'" 

"Danny said with gentle humor, 'You could come back to bed.'" 

"I shook my head and dropped into one of the chairs in the room. 'We agreed not to do this.'" 

"Danny sat up. 'I can't stay here. I'll go back to my room.'" 

"'No,' I said. 'I got you excited; I need to find a way to satisfy you.'" 

"'Patrick, I'm a big boy; I can handle this.'" 

"I should have let him go," Patrick admitted, "but I wasn't thinking rationally. I decided Daniel deserved someone who could make love to him. Lee Crane was in the house that night, and his lover wasn't. Lee and Daniel had a loving relationship that dated back several years. Lee had been the last man to make to love to my Daniel before we started to build our relationship, so I decided that Lee should make love to my Daniel this night." 

"What can I say?" Danny shrugged. "All I wanted to do was toss Patrick across the bed and fuck his virgin ass." 

"So I called Lee," Patrick continued. "I must have been frantic because he rushed right over from his cottage just across from mine. He told us we were crazy, but I begged him to take care of my Daniel, and I needed to watch. I wanted Lee to handle Daniel the same way he had the last time they'd been together \-- after Thom walked out on Daniel. 

"Lee argued that we'd all be in serious trouble with Lloyd, but I was desperate and finally Lee agreed. He crawled onto the bed and slowly stripped off Daniel's pajamas, then his own robe, which was all he was wearing. He took Daniel's cock down his throat and sucked him. Daniel was in bad shape and came in a hurry. Lee wanted to stop there, but I knew Daniel needed more, and I wanted to see more. I couldn't take my eyes off his nude body, which made my cock hard again inside my wet pajamas. I'd never seen one man fuck another, and I wanted to watch so badly it hurt." 

"I'd been celibate for the six months of my relationship with Patrick," Danny confessed, "and watching him beg Lee to fuck me was more than I could resist. Even when faced with punishment, I knew I wanted it so much that I couldn't allow Lee to leave." 

Patrick had a dreamy look in his eyes. "I watched every action, knowing I planned to do this to Daniel as soon as I could. The guilt settled in later. Then, I watched Lee coat his fingers with clear gel and work them into Daniel's body. He was lying on his back, his hips arching up off the bed as Lee probed. His cock started to get hard again, and I wanted to touch it, kiss it, and worship it. I was consumed with raw emotion; something I'd never experienced." 

"'Do you remember what I did to you before?' Lee asked as he pressed Daniel's legs against his chest." 

"'You made me cry, to let go of my feelings about Thom's leaving. You stripped away all my layers of defenses and left me wounded -- with your scent on me -- for Patrick to find.'" 

"'Is that what I need to do tonight?' Lee badgered. 'Do I need to open your eyes and your heart again?'" 

"'What?' Daniel sputtered." 

"'Can't you see how much you love each other?' Lee positioned his cock against Daniel's body. 'You knew when Harry and I were so much in love and couldn't see it, but you can't do the same for yourself.' Lee pressed his cock into Daniel's body hard enough to make him cry out." 

"'I sat, frozen, in my chair, gripping the arms, wanting to move and terrified of doing anything." 

"Lee pounded Daniel's ass while Daniel moaned and thrashed on the bed.'" 

"'Patrick, get over here,' Lee ordered in a tone that was not to be disobeyed." 

"I moved to the place Lee pointed while my eyes were focused on Daniel's beautiful cock. It was hard and pulsing and the head was glistening wet." 

"'Suck it,' Lee commanded, without breaking his rhythm." 

"'No!' Daniel cried." 

"I blocked them out as I lowered my mouth. I wanted to taste his flesh so badly I would've crawled over hot coals to do it." Patrick smiled at the memory. "It was salty, rather bitter, and it was Daniel. He tried to pull it out of my mouth, but I wanted this. Lee put my hand on the base of Daniel's cock and moved it up and down until I was pumping it by myself, trying to match Lee's rhythm. I was lost in the taste and the feel. I was doing this to him. 

"Before I knew what was happening, Daniel was shooting cream into my mouth. The taste was startling because it was so thick and bitter, but this man was now my lover. I didn't want to gag; I wanted to glory in the moment. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I wasn't aware of anything else until Lee gently pulled my head up." 

"'It's really sensitive after he comes. You'll hurt him if you don't stop.'" 

"I stared at the soft cock as it rested in the tight red curls." 

"'Patrick,' Lee called, 'you want to come back to us now?'" 

"Daniel was sitting up against the headboard and Lee was sitting on the other side of the bed." 

"'We have to talk,' Lee said, putting my hand into Daniel's. 'We broke some serious rules here tonight, and we'll have to face Lloyd in the morning.'" 

"'Why?' I stammered." 

"'He'll know; he _always_ knows,' Daniel stated, 'and we'd better have a damn good story.'" 

"'More importantly,' Lee added, 'you two better take a closer look at how you feel about each other because I'm not going to do this again.'" 

"'My thought processes were finally returning to my brain, and the fog started to clear. 'Lee, I didn't know what else to do. I don't know how...'" 

"'Danny can teach you. No one belongs between you.' Lee stood and pulled his robe over his bare skin. "Patrick, lose the pajamas, let Danny take care of that woody, and then curl up and sleep like lovers. Tomorrow you'll have to face how this has changed you.'" 

"And change us it did." Danny leaned over and kissed Patrick's mouth. "I want to tell Jim the next part of the story." 

Patrick nodded. 

"By that point in my life I'd seen lots men, but I'd never seen Patrick naked. I'd only touched his cock once, and that had been six months earlier. I wanted this moment to very special." 

"It was," Patrick whispered. 

"I sat on the bed, facing him, absolutely terrified. I reached for the buttons on his pajama top. 'Do you want this? If not, tell me _now_.'" 

"Patrick nodded. 'Yes,' he whispered as he offered me his mouth." 

"We'd been kissing for months so his mouth was familiar, but he was trembling, and that made him even more vulnerable. 'There's no going back.'" 

"'I don't want to live another day of my life without you.'" 

"I exposed his chest and kissed, licked, and sucked his virgin nipples until he was whimpering. I dropped the pajama top on the floor and coaxed Patrick to stretch out on the bed. 'Lift your hips,' I ordered as I pulled the sticky bottoms down. He was as beautiful as I remembered. His cock was full and throbbing, and I was afraid he'd shoot as soon as I touched him, but I wanted to make it last all night." 

"Patrick groaned with need." 

"'I thought I knew that I loved you, but seeing you like this, giving yourself to me...'" 

"'Daniel, please...'" 

"I lowered my head, ran my tongue over the slick wet head, and savored every drop. I tongued his circumcision scar, which was very sensitive. His cries told me he was slipping over into real pain so I deep throated him and sucked him dry." 

"When Patrick could talk, he said, 'At least now I know why sex is such a big deal.'" 

"'I think this means we have to get married,' I offered." 

"He laughed and replied, 'I thought that was always the plan.'" 

"I cuddled him close and pulled the covers over us. 'Lee was right; we're going to be in deep trouble in the morning'". 

"'I'll deal with it. Right now I like being here, touching you from head to toe. I want to end each day like this.'" 

"'Me, too,' I whispered and relaxed into sleep." 

Patrick grinned at Jim. "Was your first time with Blair memorable?" 

"Oh, yeah," Jim responded, dropping his napkin into his lap, wondering what had possessed him to go without clothes. 

"I want to hear that story," Danny said as he poured more tea in all the glasses, "but I want Patrick to finish our story because there're some lessons for you to note." 

"I don't suppose an _I don't want to do this_ will get me out of this?" Patrick chuckled. 

"Doesn't seem to work for me," Jim muttered. 

"It doesn't work for anyone," Danny assured. "And we both know you need as much information as possible as you move forward in your relationship with Blair." 

Patrick added several slices of orange to his plate, then looked at Jim. "We made love again when we woke up, gently rubbing together while kissing and touching each other. It was Saturday morning, and we wouldn't be expected for Lloyd's breakfast until nine. For me, Saturday is the only day I can take it easy, so Lloyd moved the late family breakfast from Sunday to Saturday. But this particular morning I was so lost in my feelings for Daniel, that I forgot Lee's middle of the night warning." 

"Lloyd greeted us with his usual energy, kissing us both, then observing, "I thought you'd agree _not_ to have sex.'" 

"I was pretty much speechless as I sat down across from Lee and drained the glass of orange juice setting at my plate. Except for the churning in my stomach and the whirling of thoughts in my head, breakfast was strangely normal. I found an unexpected strength from physical contact with Daniel, who was sitting next to me and pressing his leg against mine. 

"Lee stood as his lover entered the dining room from the kitchen. 'I was afraid you weren't going to make it.'" 

"Harry kissed Lee long and deep. 'I was motivated to be here.'" 

"'Coffee, Harry?' Charlie offered as he rose and touched his lips to Harry's. 'It's good to see you, my friend.'" 

"When everyone was seated and had coffee refills, Lloyd looked at me and said, 'We have some business to discuss with our newest lovers.'" 

"'I told you,' Lee whispered." 

"'Where do want to start?' Charlie asked Lloyd." 

"'Patrick and Daniel made arrangements to spend their first night together, and they assured us that they weren't ready for sex. They felt the agreement they had made six months should stand. I gave them permission.'" 

"Jason joined the conversation. 'As their monitor, Danny also asked my permission. He promised he wouldn't push Patrick to do anything.'" 

"I stood, gripping the back of my chair. My emotions were completely in turmoil. 'I only want to say this once, so please, everyone, listen. Daniel did _not_ , repeat _not_ violate anyone or anything. My body decided it was time to take charge of the situation. I'm just beginning to know how much I love him.' I stepped behind Daniel and placed my hands on his shoulders. 'He was prepared to protect my virtue no matter the cost to himself. He's really very strong.'" 

"'Patrick,' Charlie asked, 'do you understand the consequences of your actions?'" 

"All I understand right now is that I want to take _my lover_ back to bed and not let him go for a month.'" 

"Michael snickered but quieted when Lloyd glared at him." 

"'This is the reason we agree to rules in a relationship,' Charlie explained, 'and why we have established punishment if those rules are broken. Do you remember the punishment you agreed to if you and Danny had sex?'" 

"It doesn't matter. Any punishment is worth last night and this morning,' I declared." 

"'Including,' Charlie demanded, 'your career?'" 

"'I...' I started, slumping against Daniel's chair. 

"Lee came around the table and lifted me up. 'Having a little trouble thinking?'" 

"I nodded and allowed Lee to help me back to my chair." 

"'I think,' Lloyd announced, 'it is time to refocus your thinking.'" 

"I nodded again, wondering why I should be punished for feeling so good." 

"Lloyd stood, 'Patrick, Daniel, it's time for you to go downstairs, remove your clothes and wait for me.'" 

"'No!' I cried. 'The only one who did anything wrong last night was me. I will _not_ allow anyone else to be punished.'" 

"'I'll take Danny,' Charlie offered. 'Patrick, downstairs; Danny, my office.'" 

"When I made no effort to move, Lloyd shouted, 'Now!'" 

"'Yes, sir!' Danny rose, leaned over, and kissed me. 'I love you,' he promised." 

"Lee pulled me to my feet. 'I'll take him downstairs.'" 

"'No!' Charlie snapped. 'He has some serious soul searching to do, and he will do it now.'" 

"My legs were shaky as I leaned between Daniel and Lee. To my lover I said, 'I love you, too.' and to Lee I whispered, 'Thank you'. 

"The room was quiet as I walked to the doorway that led to the playroom downstairs. My body ached for Daniel's touch, and my heart was divided between my love for God and my love for Daniel. 

"I took my clothes off, folded them, and placed them on a chair. Then I knelt beside the bed and prayed for guidance. 

"I don't know how long it was before Lloyd arrived with Charlie, Daniel, Lee, Harry, Michael and Jason. I was prepared to meet Lloyd naked, but not the rest of the group. I felt exposed and vulnerable." 

"'Daniel, Lee,' Charlie ordered." 

"I was stunned when they started to remove their clothes and turned to face Lloyd. "No. I'm the only one who deserves to be punished.'" 

"'No, my love,' Daniel confessed as he removed his pants. 'You weren't alone in the bed last night, and I'm the one who should have stopped it. The truth is I didn't want to stop. Seeing you naked and hard for me was even more exciting than your mouth on my cock. Waking up with you this morning was my fondest wish come true. If we can work through this, I want to spend the rest of my life waking up beside you.'" 

"I could only nod my head and watch Lee fold his clothes. 'You shouldn't be here.'" 

"'I'm the only one who should be here because I'm the only one who could have stopped you, and I didn't even try. My only defense is that you belong together, and I seem to be the one destined to bring you together.'" 

"'I turned to Charlie, my embarrassment over my nudity replaced by stronger emotions. 'I don't care what you do to me, but I don't want them punished.'" 

"'They confessed their duplicity and accepted their responsibility,' Charlie explained. 'No argument will sway what happens here. You all agreed to the rules and now it's time for the punishment. You'll kneel beside me while Lloyd paddles them, then you'll take your place. This is a maximum penalty infraction.'" 

"Lloyd had the boys move a spanking horse to the middle of the room and indicated that Lee should bend over it. 'They get twelve licks each,' Lloyd said to me, 'and you get fifteen because I'm adding penalty strokes. You are not to move or make a sound while you watch every stroke of my paddle. If you do, Daniel will take the penalties.'" 

"I dropped to my knees and clamped my hand over my mouth to keep myself quiet. Those empty words Daniel and I signed all those months ago had no meaning here. Daniel's hands on my body, his mouth on my nipples, then my cock, and the emotions rampant in my heart were the only things that mattered. I was fully alive in ways I'd never been before. This couldn't be wrong. 

"The slap of wood on bare flesh was loud in the room. Harry gasped as Lee's butt turned red, but otherwise everyone was silent. 

"I thought watching Lee punished for my sins was difficult, but it was nothing compared to watching my lover take Lloyd's paddle. Each strike hit my heart. I bit my finger to keep silent because I was resolved to keep Daniel from any more pain because of me. 

"Harry was holding Lee when Michael and Jason helped Daniel off the horse. I reached for him but Lloyd pointed the paddle at me." 

"'Do I need to restrain you?' Lloyd asked." 

"I tried to think about an answer, but my mind refused to function." 

"'Patrick,' Lloyd explained, 'you've never done this. If you move, the penalty is two extra strokes. If I strap you down, you can't move.'" 

"'Daniel wasn't strapped down,' I pointed out. 'If he can do it, so can I.'" 

"No, Patrick,' Daniel cried." 

"'You know the rules,' Lloyd snapped. 'Another word and he gets the penalty.'" 

"Daniel clutched Jason's arms but remained silent. 

"I took the position on the leather padded structure which provided total body support. My cock and balls fit inside a padded area, protected. I was lost in my emotional turmoil when the pain started. 

"While the pain had a life of its own, it was a physical sensation, and nothing like the emotional distress of causing pain to the man I loved. 

"When Lloyd finished, Charlie helped me to stand. He looked at Lee, 'I hope you have learned something here. I expect to see something insightful in your journal.'" 

"'Yes, sir,' Lee replied respectfully." 

"'You,' Charlie spoke sternly to Daniel, 'are confined to your room except when working. You many not see or communicate with Patrick in any manner. You know what I expect from your journal.'" 

"Daniel nodded." 

"'And you,' Charlie said to me, clearly angry, 'I'm very disappointed in you. You are also restricted to your room except for work. But rather than a guilt ridden journal entry, I want a paper quoting the _Bible_ references supporting that idea that God's ministers are required to be celibate. Then I want to know if you're willing to give up the church for Danny and what you'll do with your life if you do.'" 

"Lloyd helped me put on one of the white robes he kept for use in the house, and handed me my clothes. 'I'll be by to check on you later.'" 

"I wanted to kiss Daniel but Charlie shook his head, so as I climbed the stairs, my heart was in a great deal more pain than my ass." 

Patrick took a deep breath of the warm air as he paused in his story. "Of course I realized there were no references to celibate priests in the Bible when my head cleared.." He kissed Danny. "It was all worth it." 

"Yes, it was," Danny agreed as he adjusted the table's umbrella, "but it's time for you to tell Jim the rest of the story." 

"Yeah, okay." Patrick took a long drink of his tea. "I was lying on my bed. I had dropped the robe and couldn't bear the thought of clothes. I was stretched out on my belly with my Bible open when Harry knocked on the door." 

"He rattled ice cubes in a bowl as he sat on my bed. 'You're supposed to be sitting at your desk, like Danny and Lee.'" 

"'I'm doing research they don't have to do,' I offered lamely." 

"'I wouldn't try that one on Lloyd if I were you.' Harry ran ice over my butt. 'I also wouldn't volunteer the information that I was here, particularly with the ice. He's unhappy with you, and he'd be furious with me.'" 

"'Why?' I asked." 

"'It's not allowed. Lee's alone in our room, and Danny is in his, but Charlie thought you might need someone to talk to since this is your first time.'" 

"The ice felt good, but I didn't want anyone's hands on me but Daniel's. 'Talk about what?'" 

"'Charlie said your reaction to your first discipline was atypical. It was like you didn't feel it.'" 

"'Oh, I felt it all right. It just wasn't as important as the other pain. I know now that I don't want to live if Daniel isn't in my life.'" 

"'Suicide's a sin, Father.'" 

"'Then I guess I'll have to find a way to _live_ with him.'" 

"'Do you feel like letting some of that pain out, maybe crying as an emotional release?'" 

"I rolled over until I could see his face. 'Crying is a waste of emotional energy.'" 

"'So is guilt.'" 

"'It's not guilt, it's responsibility,' I tried to defend myself." 

"'No, Father, it's guilt. I know first hand. I know what loving a man can do to your life, your career. I also know what walking away from that love can do to you. Charlie and Lloyd taught me how to deal with my guilt and my love, then, later, they taught Lee how to handle me.'" 

"'Handle you how?'" 

"'My lover is almost twenty years younger than I am. That, in itself, is enough to drive my guilt off the chart. Then there're other things that can add to the equation, like what our sexual relationship could do to his career.'" 

"'I don't understand.'" 

"'Because of me, Lee will never make admiral, a rank he's highly qualified to achieve. I feel like I'm cheating him as well as the country we both serve. We both made the decision to give up his high ambitions for our love, but I still carry the guilt about it and a lot of other things. I needed a way to maintain a balance in my life. Because Lloyd had dealt with my personality type before, he knew what I needed. He started with spanking, then moved to whipping. It worked really well to increase my sexual appetites, but it wasn't all I needed to achieve the balance I craved.'" 

"I turned back over so Harry could continuing icing my butt; it actually felt good. 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'" 

"'I mean controlled, prolonged physical punishment; whatever it takes to make you cry, to make you let go of the pain. I watched you, listened to Lee -- and he told me everything. I have an idea of what you're going through, plus what you did to satisfy your lover.'" 

"'Are you angry with me for calling Lee?'" 

"The cold water ran down the cleft of my ass and onto my balls; Harry's fingers followed the water. 'No. Lee and I have both been sexually involved with Danny, and I respect the special bond between them -- as you seem to.'" 

"'What does Lee think about your being here now?'" 

"'He doesn't know -- yet. I'll tell him when we're allowed to be together later today. If I were to take this encounter any further, Lee would watch while Danny broke my fingers -- not because he's irrationally jealous, but because he knows you're not ready for anyone else to touch you.'" Harry moved his hand back and gently massaged my butt cheeks.'" 

"'Does that make me weird?'" 

"'It makes you who you are. You're sexual choices are a part of who you are. And Danny loves you very much, maybe even as much as you love him.'" 

"'But I made a mess of things last night.'" 

"'I wouldn't say that, but you could use some help from those of us who have been where you are.' Harry moved to sit in the wing back chair, and I missed his touch." 

"'So we were talking about your physical punishment?'" 

"'Charlie, Kenneth and I -- all raised Catholic, if that means anything -- have found we respond very well to physical punishment in a _scene_ that is non-sexual,' Harry chuckled, 'although we all usually end up in bed with our lovers when the emotions have run out.'" 

"'Maybe my brain's turned to oatmeal, but you're not making any sense.' I sat up and turned so I could see Harry's face, then pulled the bedspread around me. The pain from the spanking was a minor annoyance." 

"'Okay, I'll describe an event, then we'll talk about the mental state that makes you crave this type of treatment.' Harry settled in the chair placing his left ankle on his right knee. 'Because Lee and I also play SM games, we use a different symbol for what we call punishment/atonement scenes. Both of us have the option of starting a scene. We use a neck collar to indicate playtime because when I submit to Lee, I give him complete control over me. I release all my responsibilities for the time I wear the collar. For sexual play, I use a black leather collar, and for atonement, I use a red leather collar. Sometimes I take the collar to Lee, and some times he holds it out to indicate I should kneel before him. 

"'Each time is unique to the situation and my emotions; the more intense sessions are the ones Lee instigates. When I get stressed at the office, Lee often picks up on it before I do. I'll find an inter-office envelope from Lee that contains only my red collar -- it's just a strip of soft leather that he ties around my neck. It's an important symbol for me, but nothing that can be identified by anyone else. 

"'If he leaves it on my desk, it means that I must leave my office precisely at five. Unless it's absolutely impossible, and I better be able to prove that. I must clean myself, inside and out, no food, only water, until the next morning. Since I often skip lunch, the fasting is a _not so gentle_ reminder of my dietary needs. I drink too much coffee, don't eat properly, don't exercise enough, and he makes sure I'm aware of all that. His methods did make me give up cigarettes, so maybe there's some hope for me after all.' Harry chuckled. 

"'Anyway, I present myself, naked, kneeling before him. I kiss the red leather, then offer it to him so that he can fasten it around my neck. From that moment I'm not allowed to speak except to say _Yes, master._ , or my safeword, should I need to stop the scene for any reason, but I've never felt the need to use it. When Lee orders a scene, the rules are different than if I request the scene. When Lee orders the scene, it has the feel of _non-consensual_ , which allows me to fight him. That's important to me, to my state of mind. I need him to conquer me. 

"'We have used a variety of devices from a St. Andrews cross to simple spreading bar to achieve the desired results. He uses a wide band to cover my kidneys, starts with a lash and works up to a heavy leather flogger. He hits my butt, my back, and my thighs until he breaks through all my defenses. He leaves my soul as naked as my body. The pain is a cleansing agent like no other as it strips away the guilt and emotional toxic waste.'" 

"Are you suggesting that I ask Lee to whip me?" I asked, frightened by the idea." 

"'Not Lee necessarily. I'm suggesting that you think about it, talk to Danny and the others who benefit from this ritual, and then decide if you want to try it. I think you should let an experienced top do you the first time, but the intensity comes when your lover wields the whip.'" 

"'Do you ever _punish_ Lee?'" 

"Harry shook his head. 'His needs are different. He doesn't need the pain like I do.'" 

"'Does Daniel, ah, does he, ah, need _pain_?'" 

"'I don't know. I've never played with him.' Harry smiled gently. 'More things to learn about each other.'" 

"'When can I see him?' It was all I cared about." 

"'I'll intercede on your behalf, but I can't promise anything.'" 

"'Please.'" 

"'Charlie and Lloyd're angry with you because you violated your vows, and Charlie's going to demand real answers from you about your future.'" 

"'I don't have those answers -- yet -- but I'll find them.'" 

"Harry stood and cupped my chin. 'I believe you will.' He kissed me, gently exploring my mouth with his tongue, then left me alone with my thoughts." 

When Patrick was silent, Jim asked, "So you worked it out?" 

"Yeah, we did," Danny smiled, "but we weren't allowed to see each other at all for a week -- the longest seven days of my life." 

"It took me six months to find the answers I needed so that Daniel and I could be married, but that's a story for another time." 

"Now," Danny stacked his dirty dishes on the tray, "we need to talk about the punishment/atonement concept." 

Jim played with the last of the fruit on his plate. "Do you think that's what Blair needs?" 

"Blair?" Patrick looked surprised. "No, your lover's fairly well balanced -- much more so than most of the men we encounter here. I think between Lloyd's paddle and Michael's fisting, Blair will determine what he needs to maintain that balance." Patrick was silent for a moment. "But you..." 

Jim held up his hands. "No! No way, man. I've done all I intend to do here." 

"Don't be so quick to judge," Danny warned. 

The panther appeared out of nowhere, growled at Jim, then stretched out in the sun and closed his eyes. 

"This works for some of us, James," Patrick reinforced as he watched the big cat, "and you need to find a way to achieve emotional balance in your life." 

"By being beaten?" 

"Harry was right," Patrick continued, ignoring Jim's outburst. "The atonement scene worked for me as it had for him." 

"I do him three or four times a year," Danny explained. "I have learned how to read Patrick and I know when he needs the whip. Jim, it isn't sick or perverted. It provides pain in a controlled environment for my lover that allows him to release his guilt, frustration, and emotional garbage that slows him down in his work." 

Patrick took Danny's hand. "It's not abuse. There isn't any permanent damage although Daniel has learned to bruise me so it lasts for several days. Some times, when I need it, he breaks the skin and makes me bleed. I need this, and my lover understands that. I think you need it too." 

"No," Jim stated flatly. "I agreed to help Blair with the fisting because I understand he thinks it'll benefit him, but I can't do anything this crazy. No." Jim stared at the damn cat that seemed to rule his life. 

"James," Patrick said sternly and quietly, "I want you to take a deep breath and relax." 

"No, I need..." The panther butted Jim's leg. 

"You need to breathe and relax. You know the drill." 

"I..." Jim placed his hand on _Pushy's_ head, closed his eyes and let go, like Blair had taught him. Beautiful, wonderful, wise Blair. Another breath and he had a vision of Blair erupting from a mountain stream, clear water and warm sunshine surrounding his lover. Another breath, Blair sleeping, his face soft, angelic, and innocent. Another breath, Blair fully aroused and powerful. 

"That must be some meditation technique," Danny teased. 

"He's thinking about Blair," Patrick observed. 

Jim watched the napkin in lap rise. The panther purred and walked away. 

"And I hope fifty years from now," Patrick added, "your reaction is still this strong." 

"You think allowing myself to be beaten will make that happen?" 

Patrick placed his hand over Jim's. "I'm asking you to try the things that others of us have discovered work. Daniel and I have found a balance in our lives by following a routine much like Harry described, including the red collar. We do this privately. I had to find a way to _have_ a sex life and to make that fit in with my life's work. It was as difficult for me as it is for you. 

"'I was appalled at Harry's atonement scene in the beginning, just as you are now. I did some research, talked to the others who benefited from it, then decided that the only way I could know if it worked for me was to try it." 

"We talked it over," Danny continued, "asked Charlie and Lloyd for their help, and planned the scene." 

"Going without clothes is hard for me," Patrick confessed, "and being naked in front of young Michael and Jason was more punishment for me than the spanking. If I was going to submit myself to the whipping, I needed it to be private. Lloyd agreed. 

"The first time, Lloyd handled the implements while Daniel stood where I could focus on his face. He also was the only one who talked, guiding my emotions as Lloyd increased the pain one level at a time." 

Danny smiled at Patrick. "When he finally broke, when the emotional pain and guilt began to flow out of him in tears and words, Lloyd helped me get Patrick down and into bed before he quietly left the room. I held Patrick until he'd cried himself out. Then I gently sucked him, adding sexual relief to the emotional release." 

"I slept for twelve straight hours," Patrick said, "which is very unusual for me. I awoke stiff and sore, and allowed Daniel to pamper me for the rest of the day. I was amazed at the weight that had been lifted from my shoulders and how energized I was. Lloyd left some interesting marks on my back, and they were a comforting reminder of what had transpired." 

"And you think that'll work for me?" Jim asked. 

"I think you're the right personality type with the emotional pressures to benefit from it. You have a supportive lover who can provide what you need, but only you can decide if you're willing to release your control, your _power_ , to achieve the release. The experience'll leave you weak and vulnerable for a period of hours or days. You'll need a place with complete privacy or someplace like our retreat here. 

"We have a small rustic cabin in an isolated area not far from here that we use for this type of rebalancing. To prepare for Christmas and Easter, I spend a week in solitude, like Christ spend three years alone in the desert, then Daniel joins me for forty eight hours of my atonement and a reaffirmation of our love. 

"It took us several years to find the schedule that works best for us. Daniel was very patient with me while I did the solitary work I had to do. I had to find a way for us to be together, and he had to wait and watch while I did it." 

"Surprisingly," Danny continued, "it wasn't that difficult. Patrick was the man I'd been waiting for all my life, even though I didn't know it. When we met, I'd just ended a relationship with another man, then found myself involved in another relationship where sex was denied and religion was the core. Both were new experiences for me. While Patrick searched for his direction in life, I had to search for mine. 

"Charlie made me study all the aspects, and pushed me just as hard as he pushed Patrick. He made me understand that any religious choices I made had to be because it was right for me, not because I wanted to please Patrick. I joined a Catholic group on campus, studied, chose to convert without telling Patrick. Then I asked him to baptize me and give me my first communion a week before our wedding so that we could be married as Catholics." 

"But the marriage isn't real." Jim's head was beginning to pound. 

"Our marriage, before God, our friends, and family, is as real as it gets," Danny defended. "It's not because we can file a joint tax return, but because our love's real. Our commitment's as real as my position in the Catholic church, or my position at the university. The God who lives in my heart has blessed our union in all the ways He has promised those who love each other. We chose not to procreate but instead take care of the children who have no one else. While our life together has not been easy, it has been full of love and happiness." 

"Daniel's right," Patrick added softly. "While I see your relationship with Blair full of similar pitfalls, I also see a love powerful enough to give you the same rewards as we have experienced." 

"Are you suggesting Blair and I need the same kind of relationship you have?" Jim asked, glad the conversation had allowed his erection to relax. 

"No!" Patrick responded adamantly. "You and Blair must find your own path whether you decide on a monogamous relationship like ours or an open one like Charlie and Lloyd or Jason and Michael. It's one of the reasons we encourage couples to live together for a year before committing to marriage. I believe that solid, committed, gay relationships are vital in our continuing battle to have a legal place in our society. We encourage community participation and a visible role whenever possible. We push for strong education and strong places in our society. When the legal battle comes, the stronger our basic relationships are, the firmer our foundation will be on which to build a platform." 

Danny placed a restraining hand on Patrick's shoulder. "You're preaching to the choir, my love." 

Looking sheepish, Patrick grinned. "Yeah, I guess I am. And," checking his watch, "and we have other things to do. James, I want you to spend the next half hour in the pool, then spend one full hour meditating anywhere on the grounds where you're comfortable. After that, I want you to spend time writing in your journal." 

Danny stacked the remaining dishes. "Blair has charge of your evening. He'll provide whatever instructions you need." 

"Instructions?" 

Danny stood, picked up the tray, and snatched the napkin from Jim's lap. "You have a lot to keep him happy. How you proceed is up to you." 

* * *

Jim stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving, a towel around his waist. His body still damp from the shower and aware of the douching, he was hard as he waited for his lover. When he had arrived in the room after dinner, he had found his collar and their butt plugs on the bed with a note of instructions. He had played with his collar, wondering how for he would go for Blair. 

He rinsed his razor under the warm water, wiped his face and splashed on a non-scented after shave. After brushing his teeth, Jim hung the towel on the bar and padded into the bedroom naked. 

Blair sat in the wingback arm chair, naked, except for the glasses perched on his nose, his legs spread, his cock snuggled quietly in soft curls. "You are ready for me," Blair said in a sultry command tone. "Bring me your collar." 

After picking up the collar, he ran the supple leather through his fingers. As he knelt before Blair, Jim noted _Pushy_ was asleep in front of the door. Placing the collar reverently in Blair's upturned palm, he offered it and himself to his lover. 

"Relax, Jimmy." Blair took the oblation. "I love you." 

"I know," Jim replied simply, placing his hands behind his back. 

"Do you also know that when you wear this," Blair tied the leather loosely around Jim's neck, "you belong completely and totally to me?" 

"Yes, master," Jim responded. {I belong to you completely even without the collar, Tiger.} 

"Just a reminder of the rules. You may only answer my direct questions. You may use your safeword if you need to. Tell me your safeword." 

" _Panther_ , master." 

Blair pulled an implement of bright blue suede from the side of his chair and ran it through his hands. "This is a lash. It can be used for feather light touches or welt raising strokes depending on my mood." He paused and looked at the sleeping cat, then held the lash in upturned palms. "Kiss it." 

A _why?_ jumped to Jim's lips but he managed to stop the word before it escaped. Bowing his head, he kissed the new leather and inhaled the intoxicating scent. 

"Lean forward, put your head in my lap, your arms around my waist." 

Jim smiled at his lover, kissed the healing wound on the right leg and the panther tattoo on the left hip, then slipped his arms around Blair's waist. Gently Jim place his cheek next to Blair's relaxed cock and enjoyed his lover's musk. 

Blair brushed the lash over Jim's back. "Do not adjust your senses unless I tell you to." 

"Yes, master." Jim nuzzled Blair's cock. 

After trailing the leather across Jim's ass, Blair ordered: "Lift your butt." 

"Yes, master." 

Blair ran the whip over Jim's butt again. "A little more. Yeah, that's good." Then he struck Jim's flesh with more force. 

"Ohhh," Jim gasped and tensed, his erection faltering. 

"Trust me." 

The panther growled. 

Jim nodded his head against Blair's thigh. "Yes, master." 

Blair lightly hit Jim's right butt cheek, then again and again, each blow harder than the last until after five strokes Blair moved to Jim's right shoulder. It was not exactly painful but more stimulation than a deep massage. 

Jim lost himself as Blair held to the five stroke rhythm. He timed his breathing to Blair's, adjusted his scent to Blair, and felt the blood increase in Blair's cock. 

"Suck it," Blair ordered, trailing the leather over Jim's back. 

Shifting his position, Jim pulled the hard flesh into his mouth, nursing it. 

"That's a good boy," Blair praised as he tapped Jim's butt. "Raise it back up." 

Jim adjusted his body without releasing Blair's cock but was unprepared for the force of the blow. "Ow," he cried. 

"Relax, focus on my smell, my taste, go with me. Drop your defenses and trust me." Blair began the five swat routine again. 

_Breathe. Whack. Suck. Whack. Breath. Whack. Taste. Whack. Breathe. Relax until the next set begins._

Blair was completely hard now, his body was covered in a light sheen of sweat. 

_Breathe. Whack. Suck. Whack. Breath. Whack. Taste. Whack. Breathe. Relax until the next set begins._

Arousal rose in waves from Blair. 

The blows were sharper; Blair's musk stronger. 

Jim's body responded to his lover. 

The blows changed tempos, alternating from light to hard, randomly rotating over the sensitized skin of his back and butt. 

The blows stopped. 

"Suck me," Blair ordered, his voice breathless. "On your knees. Now!" 

Sliding down Blair's legs, his body stinging like fire, Jim focused entirely on his lover's needs. 

Blair tossed the lash across Jim's shoulder and left it there. 

Jim sucked, licked, and kissed until he brought Blair to completion, then nursed the soft cock. 

"Up here," Blair managed, his heartrate returning to normal. "Kiss me." 

Crawling upward, Jim drug his quivering erection across his lover's belly. 

"So what made you so hard?" Blair asked. "The whipping or the cocksucking?" 

"You," Jim grinned as he removed the glasses, placed them on the small table, then devoured Blair's mouth, spreading the cream over both of their faces. "And I could ask you the same question: Do you get off on whipping me or my sucking you?" 

Blair chuckled. "Both, but I will admit to liking you kneeling before me." 

"I wish only to please you, master," Jim bowed his head. 

Stroking Jim's cock, Blair asked, "Would you like me to do something about this?" 

"Yes, master," Jim replied properly. 

"Let's move to the bed. Help me up." 

Jim rubbed his body over Blair's groin. 

"No, pet," Blair laughed, "I meant help me to get out of the chair so we can move to the bed." 

After dropping a kiss on Blair's mouth, Jim stood, picked up the blue lash, which he kissed and returned to Blair. "May I carry you, master?" 

"I think that would be appropriate." Blair lifted his arms, the blue suede dangling through his fingers. 

"Yes, master." Jim lifted his lover gently from the chair and placed him in the center of the bed they shared. 

"Does you back sting?" 

"Yes, master." {And it hurt as well}. 

"Maybe I'll do something about that later," Blair offered. "Now I have other plans for you." 

"Yes, master." Jim knelt beside the bed, his cock demanding attention, waiting for Blair's pleasure. 

"I want to put your butt plug in." Blair pushed himself into a sitting position. 

Not what he wanted to hear. "Yes, master." 

"On the bed, on your hands and knees, facing my feet." 

"Yes, master." 

"Put a condom on the butt plug then hand it to me along with the K-Y." 

"Yes, master." This was going to feel just great -- combined with his stinging red ass. 

"Relax, my pet. This should go in easily, then I want you to fuck me." 

"Yes, master." Jim took a deep breath and focused on his relaxation technique. 

"Ready for one?" 

"Yes, master." Jim accepted the first of Blair's slick fingers, thinking about the moment when he would sink his own fingers into Blair's body. 

"That was easier than before. Now two." 

"Yes, master." Blair's fingers scissored, stretching the tight muscle. "Mmmmm," Jim groaned. 

"Still hurts, huh?" 

"Yes, master." Jim made himself relax, pushing his ass towards Blair. 

Blair used more lube and worked the two fingers back inside, easing the burning muscle. "Take my fingers," he ordered sharply, slapping Jim's butt. 

"Ohhh," Jim cried, but took the fingers as far inside as possible. 

"Good boy," Blair exalted as he stroked Jim's soft cock. "We'll get you there. Not every man can stay hard while being penetrated. And remember that orgasm does not require ejaculation. Charlie swears that the best sexual completion is orgasm without ejaculation -- like the ones he achieves while being fisted." 

"Yes, master." Jim pushed back into Blair's hand, refusing to think about anything larger up his butt than Blair's cock. 

"I want you to experience the pleasure like I do when you fuck me." Blair's voice was husky with desire. 

"Yes, master." Jim squirmed as Blair added another finger. 

"You're doing so much better than just a week ago. I'm very proud of you." 

It was silly, Jim realized, that Blair's small amount of praise made him feel so good. Well, the praise and the obvious sexual excitement. 

"I'm going to take my fingers out now." 

"Yes, master." Jim worked to keep his anal muscles from tensing. It had felt funny exercising those muscles until Michael had explained that a muscle was just a muscle. If Jim could exercise his biceps, he could certainly exercise his anal sphincters. So he had done the Kegel exercises and it was helping. 

"I'm ready to insert the butt plug. This one is larger and thicker than the one you wore last night." 

"Yes, master." 

"If I was smaller..." Blair started. 

Jim laughed. "Master, no man ever wants his cock to be smaller." 

Blair slapped Jim's ass. "I did not give you permission to speak." 

"Yes, master." Jim caught his breath. "Ouch!" 

"It's all the way in, my pet." 

"Yes, master." 

"Turn around, Jimmy, and stretch out on top of me." 

After adjusting his body around the rubber intruder, Jim pressed himself against Blair's very aroused body. 

"Kiss me." 

"Yes, master." Blair's mouth was hot and hungry. {Whipping me does turn you on, doesn't it? That puts a whole new slant on things.} 

"God, I wanna fuck you," Blair gasped, his body arching off the bed. 

Squeezing the muscles around the butt plug, Jim stroked the collar around his neck. {I can do this.} "Yes, master." 

Blair flipped Jim over on the bed, hot flesh arousing hot flesh. "Oh yeah." 

{I can do this.} 

"No!" Blair pulled back, pushing Jim away. "It's not time yet." 

"I can do it, master." 

"No," Blair stated again, breathing hard. "It'd be like raping you and that's not how I want it to be." 

"Yes, master," Jim replied, wanting to say more. 

Blair wrapped his finger and thumb around the base of his cock. "You make me so fucking crazy." 

"Yes, master." Jim grinned smugly. 

Grimacing, Blair squeezed himself, then took a deep breath. 

Watching Blair, Jim marveled at the contained power and decided the first time Blair fucked him it had better be at the beginning of a long weekend because walking afterwards was going to be a challenge. 

After a few minutes of cleansing breaths, Blair said, "Help me turn over. I need to be under you." 

"Yes, master." Jim waited until Blair was comfortable on the bed. 

Blair opened his arms. "Let's try this again. Kiss me." 

"Yes, master." Jim pressed their cocks together, then pushed his tongue inside Blair's mouth. 

When Jim pulled back, Blair gulped air. "I want to watch you fuck me." 

Jim circled the wound on Blair's leg with his fingertip. 

"I know, but I think it'll be fine resting on your shoulder." 

Waiting for further instructions, Jim ran his tongue over his lips and watched his lover's eyes. 

"You want to say something?" 

"No, master." Jim lifted Blair's hips gently and placed a kiss on the tight pink opening, tasting the salt from the enema solution Michael had prepared. 

"Oh," Blair squirmed, 'you want to prepare me with your tongue." 

Jim licked the puckered flesh. 

"You definitely have the makings of a good sex slave," Blair managed in a level tone, then gave in and commanded: "Do it." 

Smiling, Jim licked, nipped and kissed the sensitive flesh before pushing his tongue inside. Choosing to ignore the demands of his own body, Jim concentrated on the idea of being a sex slave whose only function in life was pleasing this beautiful man. 

"Fuck me, Jimmy," Blair ordered, his voice strained. "Do it now!" 

"Yes, master," Jim replied meekly, a broad grin on his face. 

Blair clutched the sheets, pushing his hips upward. 

As he reached for the condom, Blair's movements knocked out his hand, so Jim, after a quick kiss on Blair's mouth, took Blair's right hand and placed it on Blair's cock, moving the hand up and down. 

Blair's eyes cleared and he smiled at Jim. "You give good directions without words." 

"Yes, master." Jim retrieved the and placed it on himself with shaking hands. 

While Jim applied lube, Blair pumped himself with one hand and twisted his nipple ring with the other. "Hurry." 

"Yes, master," Jim agreed. Blair was so beautiful at this stage of excitement, his blue eyes glowing with passion, his body gleaming with sweat. Lifting Blair's legs, Jim placed them over his shoulders, and noticed that his lover was trembling with need. 

Placing his cock against the welcoming entrance, Jim waited until his lover pushed back before plunging inside the heat of Blair's body. Whatever else there was, this was a perfect moment in time, locked inside his lover. 

"Good, Jimmy, now give me all your power." Blair lifted his hips, deepening the penetration. 

"Yes, master." {No wonder you want to do this to me. To feel my legs wrapped around you. To feel my body grip your cock.} 

Moving Blair's hand, Jim placed his hand over Blair's cock, stroking it as he thrust into his body with full force. 

As Jim climaxed, his vision blurred and he sank down on top of Blair, unable to move, unable to form coherent thought. 

"Jimmy," Blair called. "Jimmy, my leg." 

"Huh?" Jim tried to open his eyes, his sticky hand trapped between them. 

"Move. My leg..." 

Jim rolled. 

"No. Oh, god, get off my leg." 

Jumping up, Jim landed on the floor. "Let me see." 

"It's cramping; help me up." 

Sliding his arms under Blair, Jim stood his lover on his feet and watched white liquid dripped down his leg." 

"The condom came off inside you. Can you get back on the bed so I can get it out?" 

"Oh man, that is so unromantic," Blair sighed. "My sex slave leaves his used rubber inside me." 

"You broke the spell first." Jim eased Blair down onto his stomach. "I hurt your leg. I need to call Michael." 

"It cramped. That happens sometimes." 

Jim worked his fingers inside Blair and snagged the latex, which he pulled out. "Be still while I wash my hands and get something to clean you." 

"You do it," Blair ordered. "Lick me clean." 

After wrapping the condom in a tissue and dropping it in the trash, Jim pulled Blair to the edge of the bed and knelt on the floor between the spread legs. "Yes, master," he replied as he lapped at the drying semen. 

"Umm, good boy," Blair mumbled, "stretch me more." 

"Yes, master." Jim licked the inside of the thighs, then up to the relaxed hole." 

Blair squirmed and moaned. 

"You can't possibly get it up again," Jim muttered. 

"I might, with the right inspiration." 

Jim kissed each of Blair's cheeks. "I can't keep up with you." 

"Come here." Blair twisted until he was face up. 

"Yes, master." Jim crawled up Blair's body. 

"There's more to sexual satisfaction that getting it up and getting off; there's full body orgasm without ejaculation." 

"Yes, master," Jim replied sarcastically. 

Blair ran his finger over Jim's face. "I'm serious, my pet. Men are capable of multiple orgasms and I intend to see that we both learn how to achieve it." 

"Tiger," Jim started, then remembered his collar, "ah, I mean, master, you're going to make me old before my time." 

"Not a chance," Blair promised. "Now it's time for you to put my butt plug in, then sleep." 

"Yes, master." Jim wondered if he could possibly survived this experience. 

* * *

End "All You Need Is a Cape Ellison.", Chapter 16.

 


End file.
